Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Parenthood shaves years off one's life

I went for a long walk with the dog last night. Turns out I took the easy job last night. When I got back to the house the hubby was sitting on the couch, looking confused and cross. Yes I used to word cross to describe the look in the hubby's face, if you knew him personally you'd totally get that and know the look of which I speak. He looked at me and said "I just gave myself a headache.". Not a good sign. I then asked him what she did. See now here is where I assume that my girl child set my hunny B off the deep end. Seriously folks, the only things that can make him get so upset that he flies off the deep end and gives himself a headache is either his lovely wife and his adorable daughter and I was out on a walk and I hadn't done anything in absentia that I could remember. We give him all his gray hair and all of his ulcers, his heart burn, lost sleep hours, and many a year shaved off his life. It's what we do and we're very good at it. So I waited patiently for an explanation. The last time he freaked out on the kid she had played on one of the dining room chairs one too many times and it slipped out from under her and she almost cracked her head open on the tile floor. It was not pretty. That was the one and only time I saw him lose it. Until last night.

So he goes on to explain what the kid did. He was blow drying her hair after her shower and she had some bobby pins connected on the counter top. She decided to play that they were keys and she was going to use the electrical outlet as the key hole. Oh yeah, watch the daddy flip out all friggin over the place. It must have been like 0-100 mph in negative 1 second. He yelled, lectured, ranted, smacked the backside of her head and basically broke all his rules about how to not flip out on his kid. It happens, welcome to parenthood right?

Going off the deep end at the kid tends to upset him more than anything else out there. Very much the 'This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me' thing even though it never involves a spanking, just a stern talking to. Of course, me being the usual enforcer in the family, I ask 'Did you make her cry?'. In my book it doesn't count until he makes her cry. He so much less strict with her than me that when he does lay down the law I figure it'd best count. Apparently he finally got to a point during his monologue (yes, he monologues to the kid, that's why she doesn't take him as seriously) he grabbed the bobby pins, shoves them in her hand and drags her back to the outlet and tells her to try it, and then she can see what happens. Scared her a bit at this point. Please note, I did ask him if he let her do it initially. I am from the school of hard knocks. Learning the hard way the first time sometimes works.

Also, he did mention that playing with electrical outlets is something he did a few times as a child and it hurt like hell. My response? A few times? Like it didn't take just once to figure out that it wasn't a good idea? Apparently not. You know what I told him then? That he should call his mother and apologize for all those stunts that he did as a child. And you know what, he went straight to the phone and did just that. Specifically he said sorry to her for all the times he made her heart stop as a child. She accepted the apology and told him not to worry, he didn't do it nearly as many times as his brother did. She obviously didn't catch him nearly as many times as he actually put his life in danger.

The hubby then sat down and proclaimed that, get this, he wouldn't survive having a son. I totally agree, he wouldn't. I think we should have a son so I can have a child with me when I send the hubby and daughter away for her teen years. What ya think? Good plan?


Train Wreck said...

Only a couple of times? ha ha ha Big softee. Blow drying her hair?? Serious? You are right he may not be a Cowboy, but he could be. lol What a great guy you have.

Oh I remember when I was a little girl, one of my friends couldn't pull a plug out of an outlet. So...she used her teeth! AHAHAH! Zapped her pretty good.

MichelleSG said...

Ah childhood. I do not know how most of us survive it.

Train Wreck said...

Have I mentioned I will be moving to Texas one day? lol We are looking more towards San Antone? Hows the weather there??Have a Happy Thanksgiving my far away warm friend.

MichelleSG said...

Why yes, you have mentioned that! It's going to get down to 37 tonight but then we'll be back in the 70's I think. Never too cold here. It leans more towards too hot than cold. It's not perfect but it works for us!