Tis the season, can you feel it?

Not that this is going to be a surprise to any person out there who knows me but I detest the holiday season. As far as I'm concerned Halloween is the end all be all. The alpha and the omega. It's got some religious aspects but really smacks as too pagan for the bible thumpers to latch on to. It's got both young and old appeal and it doesn't matter what day of the week it falls upon, it just rocks. The rest of the holidays can blow for all I care. Dude, Columbus didn't discover America. We all know this, it was already inhabited by people when Lief Ericsson got here, that means Columbus was late for the show. So why do we give kids the day off for Columbus Day? That's just one of the many soap boxes that, surprisingly, no one seems to want to know me off of.

Easter is silly, really, zombie Jesus and a chocolate bunny? PLEASE don't get me started. I'm cool with things such as Memorial Day even though people just can not seem to differentiate it from Labor Day. 4 months different and celebrating 2 entirely different things. I mean come on peeps,one is in rememberance of those who served and the other is for people who worked. Why is that so confusing? Yeah yeah I know, it's just another day off. Why do we even bother with naming some of these holidays? 4th of July I'm on board with, I'm a closet revolutionary. Our founding fathers kicked ass.

Now this time of year we have Thanksgiving (where the Indians naively helped the white man survive only to suffer eventual genocide by their hand) and Christmas. Now Thanksgiving has still not fallen by my bad graces. This is surprising seeing as how it used to be a time of hell where, in San Diego, we'd have to drive 1+ hours north to have dinner at 2 pm with my family then hop in the car, drive back and spend the rest of the night at the hubby's aunt's house and do the same dinner all over again. Then in 2007 I woke up to make the dinner here for my little family only to have an aneurysm/stroke/emergency brain surgery. See, you'd think I wouldn't like this holiday huh? Oddly I don't have a problem with turkey day. I think it's because I like making the food so much. Yes, I make the whole dinner. Myself. And it's so dang easy I still don't understand why people make such a to do about it. It's just a big chicken and as long as I do the bag thing it's a no brainer. I've tied brining and I don't like it at all. Too salty and you lose the taste of the turkey proper. With the bag it's moist, tender, and tasty. I've even been known to make cranberry sauce. Way easy and a waste of my time since the kid loves the canned stuff so much that she'll eat the whole can if I let her. Who knew?

As a side note, this holiday no longer means we have to torture ourselves with family. My mother (the only local blood we have) now knows better than to bother us. We are still on speaking terms but it's not like she buys us Christmas presents so no, we do not share holidays. It's a long story you don't want to hear. She's not worth the blog space, trust me.

Now speaking of Christmas now here's where you're going to get an earful. And you thought you already had, pulease! I can't remember back to when I liked this holiday. I'm sure I did at one point but it must have been pretty damn early on since I remember being 5 and totally disappointed (with my mom, again, not worth the effort explaining). In our household we go with the Santa farce as long as we possibly can. This past summer when the kid went to her grandmother's in San Diego (my mil) for 3 months she lost at least 1 tooth. Here we put fairy dust (craft glitter, multicolored) in with her $1. Out there, apparently, her grandmother put cinnamon in with it. I'm not sure what made the kid ask about the validity of the Tooth Fairy but cinnamon? I myself would have called BS on that. To this day the kid recalls that story with no small amount of verbal disdain. Actually it's terribly amusing but needless to say she now knows there is no tooth fairy. She did ask about Santa at the time and we skirted the subject. Mainly, I think, because she still wants to believe and we're going with that. Does she think her parents are Santa? Probably. But we won't push the subject. She wrote her letter to Santa today and it was glaringly simple. She expects the purple iPod from us. All she put on her Santa list was Chixos (fair warning, that website has sound). That request tells me she already knows. Seriously, momma didn't rise a dummy.

Still the expectations that come with Christmas are terrible. The more kids you have the more insane it is. Not to mention all the other people one would like to buy presents for. I think, even if I did have tons of money to blow in the month of December, I would still find the holiday miserable. The traffic alone kills me. Everyone running around, stressed as all get out. Needing to get to this store or that for what not that is in stock or on sale or (lord forbid) both but only for a limited time only. GAH! The holiday parties to get to, the gifts you have to bring to said parties. Oh and the holiday things for the kids in school! Make sure not to forget the cookies to bring, the batteries in the camera/camcorder are fresh and there's a new tape in the camcorder. Care to add to the list? Have I only touched the tip of the iceberg? And good grief what if you're traveling? We moved out of state from the relatives for a reason. Do you envy us yet?

This year I am only buying presents for my child, my husband, my father, and my mother in law. As of today (Nov 15th?) I only have to pick up the thing I want to get the mil (measuring cups that match her kitchen beautifully) and some stuff for the hubby. He'll give me some sort of list and he'll get dvd's. I'll return the favor in turn. It's what we do and it works. The only adventure I'll do this year is the same one I do every year. I make my Christmas cards. And I mail them out on time. They are different every year and always lovely (or why bother right?). If you want one feel free to email me your address. The card making is a labor of love and I'll make one for anyone who wants a little hand made love this season. Seriously, it's the only think I like about Christmas. The year I had my aneurysm I managed to get out of rehab the first week of December and still made them and sent them out on time that year. Ya'll have no excuses about getting cards out on time!


If you notice the holidays I like (Halloween) and choose to enjoy/celebrate are ones I don't HAVE to spend with extended family. It tends to ruin ones day off. The hubby has tried to break me of this hang up. Sadly, taking me to all of his family's multitude of celebrations (I swear they'd celebrate Canada's Thanksgiving if they had an excuse to) has made me more stalwart in my beliefs. I think he married the wrong woman but telling him that before we got married didn't seem to work. Maybe someday I can fake my death and he can hire a stand in wife for future holidays with his family. Wouldn't that be fun? Tell me that you wouldn't love to do something like that to avoid in laws. Go ahead, lie to me, I find it entertaining.

Bah humbug, happy holidays and may none of ya'll suffer a stroke this season!