Friday, August 14, 2009

First it was low rise.


(Nah man, neither of those are me, I've given birth. My belly doesn't look like that, not sure it ever did actually. I stole the pic of the interwebs. Hell my feet are too fat to even fit on those pointy shoes!)

Now skinny jeans? Hell now low rise skinny jeans? WTF? We were at the mall the other week (a rarity unto itself) and I was looking at the window displays in shock and awe. It took me years to find a pair of low rise that could handle my wide hips, I don't think there's a pair of skinny jeans in this would that I could squeeze my this-is-what-real-women-look-like thighs into. Certainly no skinny low rises. Hells no, not enough money in the world thank you very much. I am actually terrified to see all the fatty teens girls hanging out in these things. Because you know they will. You know you're going to see it. Scary rolls falling out an over the rim of the waistline. EW! I really don't like that look. It's like they have no self respect.

I know, you're going to criticize me for ganging up on the fat kids but really, that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm not going to hang my fat rolls over so everyone can see them! I work in a diabetes clinic, I have to see it every day and lemme tell ya, it ain't pretty. Who in the world can fit in these jeans? I mean my kid can but she's 7 and I wouldn't let her wear the tacky things. Bad memories of the 80's right? Anyone out there fall prey to the fashion mags and buy a pair of these? Anyone out there still able to fit in the suckers? Man I swear there is not enough money in the world for me to squeeze my ass in a pair of these...

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

I personally hate the skinny jean. Because it's mostly non-skinny people wearing them. And that's just not okay.

Brand New said...

It doesn't really count but I think I can slide my skinny ass into these (or her) pants.

aweesan said...

Dude, I can't even get my LEGS completely in them to see if they'll go over my ass!!! I was not built meatless and nor were my legs for sure. I can deal with low-rise; actually enjoy that I can breathe ok after a big meal (Dunlap's disease? Different than Muffin Top- ah but maybe that's just the male version...)
And I sure as hell ain't an emo wannabe (uh, punk is NOT in our current era nor is it part of the current Zeitgeist-- that's EMO wimpy whiny stuff that hurts your ears)
Ok, there's my tangent. Point is, I agree.. WTF with skinny jeans?!
;-)

Kimberly said...

I hate the skinny jean look and even if i did like it the only way I would get down to a size that would fit is to chain smoke & drink diet soda all day-I like food way to much for that bullsh**!!

booshy said...

If I ever fit into skinny jeans...someone chopped my legs off and tried to make me feel better by fitting my arms into the pant legs.