Monday, September 28, 2009

The biggest babies EVER

I am not into sports, never have been never will be. It is not lost upon me though that sports do happen and seasons start and end constantly. For example, because I have friends on Facebook that watch sports I know that football season has started. I think I even know that my home team is 2 and 1. They lost 2? I think they lost 2, the Chargers historically tend to suck. I presently live in a city that has no major football team (much to their dismay) but does have 1 major league team (I'm not saying any names, I'm sworn to secrecy as to who I was seeing today)(plus I'm going to fully bash them). They are rabid fans here in the city of San Antonio, of that particular team. I don't get it but whatever floats your boat man.

I have a unique job at work. I am special, my samples are special, the tubes I have the sample (blood) drawn in are special. It just so happens that this local major league team needed me to run their samples. I had to consequently go and take my special tubes to their doctors office and wait while all of the team had their blood drawn so I could take it back and treat it 'special'. Because, ya know, I'm special like that. Mind you, I have no enthusiasm at all for this team or it's player. Mind you, most people in San Antonio would give their left and right nut (or that of their more than willing significant other) for the privilege of sitting in the same room as all of these players. WHATEVER.

So here I was, waiting for these men to finish with their beginning of the season (hint the team is not football) physicals after which they'd come in and have their blood drawn. Mind you the ladies drawing the blood were not phlebotomists, they were medical assistants. Trained to draw blood but they rarely do it. Trust me when I tell you this people, when you have your blood drawn you want it done but someone who does it all day every day. We have a room, a veritable team, of phlebotomists at my job. I myself will only let 2 of them pull my blood because I have a nerve that runs right on top of my vein exactly where they pull the most. The 2 I let pull my blood are the 2 pediatric phlebotomists (note: most of them won't do pedi, these are the only 2 and THEY ROCK). The next time I need blood from these pussys, I'm sorry I mean players, I'm bringing my own phlebotomists.

Not because they didn't have good veins, no, no, they had steel pipes. Not that the medical assistants couldn't draw the blood, they were ok fine (not as good as our people of course). But because these HUGE 7ft players were the biggest babies I have ever seen in my God given life. Holy crap people you would not believe their complete and utter lack of balls. There was not a single one of them that didn't sit down in the chair and didn't whine. "I hate getting stuck" "I hate getting blood drawn" Blah blah blah whine whine snivel. One actually sat in the chair, worked himself up and then proceeded to punch the wall next to him. Can you say dumb ass? Yeah I think so. Several of them swore up a storm even after the needle went in their arm. There was squirming and bitching and foot stomping (totally serious here) and I thought a few of them were going to pass out cold before the needle even got to them. No. Lie. These guys can go out and play a game and get body slammed all over the place and have their heads slammed into a floor or wall but one needle in the arm? Oh hells no. Did I mention their ink? Only a few of them weren't covered in tattoos. Hypodermic needle though? Oh no.

I swear we would have had a much easier time if we just punched each one in the nose and collected the blood that seeped out of it. I even think they would have totally agreed to it. Ultimately in the end the biggest knowledge that came out of it for me is my complete total and utter lack of respect for these wussies. SERIOUSLY, these guys are payed huge amounts of money to be manly men and play manly men games. I watched 2 little soft spoken women coax these men one by one into sitting in a chair and have 1 stick in the arm. 1 stick. It was a total tragedy. We got the blood (barely) but the crap we had to go through was insane. I wish that their mothers could have been there to see it. Or even better, been able to tape it and Youtube it. And how much do these guys earn for being a manly men? Oh the tragedy...

1 comment:

Violet said...

I was a phlebotomist once upon a time. And I was GOOD. And men are incredible pussies when it comes to needle sticks. It's so stupid because men in general will participate BY CHOICE in sports that hurt soooo much more than one little stick.

I used to say about The Ex that if you cut off his arm, he would bear up with silent stoicism but a paper cut would bring him to his knees. Maybe that's just how they are built.

I love 'em, every last one of 'em...but boys are stupid.