Tuesday, March 15, 2011

New Mom Truths part III

More new-mom truths our last installation of Michelle's crazy mom truth comments...

47. You will wake up feeling sick one morning but will muster the strength to get through the day with your baby because you have to. Because it's not like anyone else is going to...

48. You will take waaaay longer to go on your first postbaby getaway than you'd imagined. Truth. I still haven't taken one from the first child and she's almost 10 years old.

49. You will be excited when your tot grows out of one size and into the next. Mine are so skinny that the sizes never work like you think they do so this is not a practical mile stone in our house.

50. You will be sad to put away what he's grown out of. Only the heirloom stuff and I save it all anyway.

51. You will actually be in the mood for sex one night, only to find that your husband's passed out cold in bed. That's like nightly, nothing new there.

52. You will not be in the mood for sex as he runs his foot along your unshaven legs and touches your greasy hair. Nope, I shower (and wash hair) in the morning and take a bath (and shave legs) at night. This will not change.

53. You will be grateful for K-Y Jelly. Isn't that true no matter what where or when? Everything is better with lube!

54. You will consider your husband's work commute his alone time, and be jealous of it. He drives 160 miles a day. I will never ever be jealous of that kind of commute.

55. You will be taken by surprise by your first postpartum period. Disappointed more like. Not looking forward to going back to those...

56. You will struggle to stay close to some of your childless friends. Don't think I have man (any?) of those as it stands. Not local anyway.

57. You will wonder how your stay-at-home-mom friends do it. Still do to this day.

58. You will wonder how your working-mom friends do it. Been there, done that, own the t-shirt, will own another soon...

59. You will make peace with your stretch marks because they give you character. Sure? They aren't so bad on me.

60. You will accept that your husband will never be as paranoid about the baby as you are, and will decide that's a good thing. Totally.

61. You will eventually find a playgroup whose kids are on the same schedule as yours. Nah, and it's ok. She's got a sister and we have neighbor kids.

62. You will hear yourself tell brand-new moms that the first 12 weeks really do fly by, even though it pissed you off when people told you that. No one ever told me that. I think it is true though so it won't piss me off.

63. You will live for your girls' nights out, once you get a couple under your belt and see that everything at home went just fine without you. I could see this as true. If I have girlfriends that can get a girls night out. I don't really though, they all have more kids than me.

64. You will find Cheerios in odd places. TRUTH. Until the dogs find them....

65. You won't care that she's getting food in her hair when she does "So Big" in her high chair. I don't care about food in hair until they're like 5 years old.

66. You will cherish the freedom to empty the dishwasher while your baby holds his morning bottle himself. Huh. The hubby does the dishes. That includes emptying the dishwasher. By the time my daughter was old enough to hold a bottle she thought they were passe. She had already graduated up to sippy cup. We're advanced in our household...

67. You will miss the smell of Dreft once you get the green light to wash infant clothes with yours. I don't bother with different laundry soaps because we use the biodegradable good stuff with all our laundry.

68. You will try not to take it personally when your sweetie's first word is "Da-Da." It must be easier to pronounce. [Editor's note: It is!] Like I give a crap. Teach her young to yell for daddy, that way I don't have to get up!

69. You will write more-heartfelt thank-you notes to anyone who gives a toy without lights, batteries, and noise. Doubtful. I like the ones that explode goo the best.

70. You will be relieved when your child turns 1. You didn't break him. I know huh? Therapy later though....

71. You will marvel at the volumes of unconditional love you have for your most wonderful achievement -- your baby. TRUTH.

2 comments:

Stephanie said...

Some of this stuff really scares the shit out of me.

MichelleSG said...

Yeah, it should. You read stuff like this before you have kids and think oh it can't possibly be true. That's why I added my own commentary. Honesty at it's finest....