Thursday, June 12, 2008

A review, for girls only

No really, if you're a guy you probably don't want to read this. Actually if you're one of those girls that don't want graphic reviews you probably don't want to read this either. Really, stop now. You've officially been given fair warning.
So this is one of those reviews you only see on those strange websites that talk about products that the general populace (female in this particular case) does not normally use. It's a feminine product review and for this you must get some odd tmi background info on myself that you probably never wanted to know. Again, consider this fair warning people, it's not to late to stop and click on some other website!
I am one of those lucky females that had the exquisite luck to start menstruating early, like at age 8. No lie, elementary schools are just not set up for that kind of thing. And this was no mild period either, we're talking HEAVY flow for 5-8 days and dwindling on for another few days after that. Usually it lasted a total of 10 days. And the cramping would make me black out. The blood loss made me very very tired. It was bad. Birth control pills did not help and I swear they put me on every one on the market. Low doses gave me mild spotting 24/7/365. Heavy doses made me homicidal within 4 days of starting the high dose. Either way it was always a horrid part of my life that I just lived with. I mean what choice does one have really? And for those of you who have never experienced that type of flow before you do have to modify your life around it. Tampons alone did not work, pads alone did not work. I would stand sometimes and it quite literally felt like I had just expelled my entire bladder. Don't even think about going swimming for at least 1/3 of every month. Sometime in my mid 20's I tried a product called Instead. It was like a diaphram only it was meant to hold your mensus. Odd but hey, nothing else works so why not?OK so does that picture give you the idea? Scary? No really. My problem with this product was that it filled up. Really quick like. It looks like it can hold a lot but remember it's in a limited space so it doesn't look like that after you put it in. Oh and the other problem? It sets up right around the cervix so prying it out, not so fun. My cervix is tipped and the Instead is not set up for us backwards people. You really have to be a contortionist. I can barely sit cross legged. I'm not big (and no woman with a round belly can use any of these products, you have to fold yourself in half to do this stuff. No lie.) but I'm not flexible either. Plus this product is disposable and got to be expensive after awhile. Especially since I had to keep buying pads for the overflow. Oh and you're not supposed to use these with iuds because you can pull out the iud if you grab the strings when pulling out the Instead, can you say ouch? My strings have been totally cut off (that's going to be another post too since next month I have to have it taken out and replaced) so I am not going to have that problem. So much for that idea. It had so much potential though!

Enter the next contestant. During the Great Cloth Diaper Hunt I noticed a lot of mommy products like cloth pads (I don't do tampons anymore and I'm not writing a post about the reason why or I'd never see any of you again, trust me on this one) which seemed cool since living in Texas and wearing these plastic-like pads can give a person diaper rash. Soooo not pleasant. I have yet to try these cloth things but I have some on the way, my friend has some she's sending me. No, this time I am trying the Diva Cup. Same general concept as the Instead but bigger capacity, stiffer cup and it doesn't wrap around the cervix. Still not an easy thing to use but it can hold more and is reusable.
So enter night one with this new fangled device. Insertion was no big, you just squish it and shove it in. You're supposed to then spin it so that it pops open. Yeah, spin it around, I can do that. Not. I can get it in there just fine but it's not going anywhere. Like ever. I read on Mommy Gossip that one woman found it easier to insert and remove in the shower. Nope, didn't work for me at all. I was afraid this morning after trying for like 15 minutes in the shower that I'd have to wake up the dh and have him pull the dang thing out. Would have never heard the last of that I'm sure. Turns out you don't pull the sucker out by that little nub on the end, nope that don't work. Oh and it did leak over night too, I think because it didn't pop open after I put it in. Couldn't spin it around and all. Whatever. Anyway I wasn't ready to give up yet so I wore it to work hoping the act of walking and such would get it to fit right. Nope, leaked all day too. Not bad but I am not flowing heavily right now either. The Mirena IUD fixed that heavy flow problem. Oddly, pregnancy and child birth didn't, old wives tale I suppose. I did find out when I got home that removal is totally easy while sitting on the toilet. Thank God. I am not into the whole contortionist thing, I was going to pull something out of socket and be very unhappy. I'm going to stick with it and see if I don't get the hang of it. With pads as back up of course. A girl can't be too careful ya know.

So are you still reading? Did the pictures not scare you away? Really, comment, tell me how freaky you think I am. Do it. Do it now. Oh and visit some of the websites on The Great Cloth Diaper Hunt. That whole diapers filling up land fills? Same goes for those pads. I think OB tampons are biodegradable but not the other brands. Great to know those things are going to hang around forever isn't it?

1 comment:

deckert said...

Ok I can't believe no one else has commented as of yet! I am still laughing (and yes I could use a cloth diaper right now since I am laughing so hard I might just pee my pants!). I miss you so much, and not because I want to hear all about your period problems but because you are just so frank about things. This is just too funny, I mean really funny! I can sympathize however since I had a lot of the same problems growing up. You will have to keep us posted on the products you try now and in the future, this may just help many women out there!