I was raised by my father (Thank God) and probably because of this I have always been somewhat of a not so emotional female. Not that my dad was a hard ass, he was a total marshmallow, I could walk all over him. He really was lucky that I didn't too, or at least not as much as I could have. Regardless I have always taken the role of the bottom liner, the one who told it like it was, Devil's advocate as it were. If you had skeletons in your closet and I find out about them they are liable to be taken out for a dust off and a shake down. Publicly if I think it'll do you best that way. Ultimately if you have a problem facing the music do not, under any circumstances, come to me and ask my opinion. All the therapy in the world won't bring you back from the edge I will take you to and show you what's over the edge. If I think you need to go over that edge I have no qualms shoving your tentative ass off.
I suppose its a combination of things that make me do it this way. #1 I have very little patience, it's a virtue I have trouble with. Good thing I'm not catholic. Speaking of, you know those 7 deadly sins? They are a load of crap, there is only 1 deadly sin which brings me to #2. #2 is denial, the one and only sin. People so often are in denial of reality. I consider it my responsibility to show people reality when they ask me my opinion. You'd be surprised how most people can figure out their own problems if they just faced the music and stopped denying that reality exists. Hate to tell you it's not going anywhere and a lot of times it's not pretty either. Eventually it will bite you in the ass. And don't take it personal, it's like that for everybody. The longer you put it off though, yeah it doesn't get any prettier with time.
Which gets me to the reason behind this post. Why do they call me? These women friends that are having relationship problems. Big ones, you know, the D word kind. It's not that I mind at all, I don't, I love every one of my oh, 5 female friends. I have always hung out with the guys so my chick friend count is pretty low. Really, it's limited to the ones who are, like me, much more like men than most men we know. It's bad but it's true. The girlfriend that called this evening well the last conversation I had with her we discussed how damn it we should have slept with more men when we were really young and really hot (we went to high school together). Ah well such is life.
Regardless, I think I can count 3 women off hand that, when the shit hit the relationship fan, called/emailed/IM'd me first and I stood with them through the trials and tribulations of the fun ride a divorce takes you through. One actually ended up calling and getting the dh at some point. Lucky her since, if you are going to call and completely have a melt down he is the one you want to talk to. No lie, if you are going to go there he's the one you want holding your hand. Also, if you're going to get exquisitely blithering drunk he is the one you want holding your hair when you start praying to the porcelain god. No, I've never had to experience this first hand (I've never been drunk, seriously) but trust me on this one, he's the emotional one in the family. We keep him around for good reason you know.
So these girlfriends call me and I'm not quite sure what they expect. I would like to give them something helpful, advice, something good? I dunno, most of the time I just end up trying to steer them in the right direction but you know what I try to do primarily? Make sure they know that what ever decision they make that if it's what they feel is right then it's what they should go with. Really, a woman's biggest problem is her lack of self confidence. 99% of the problems women face can be alieviated if they just believed in themselves. Who is with me on this one? Can you see the issues with living in a patriarchal society? I don't think a single one of these women went/are going through this without their respective spouses not telling them what a piece of crap they are and that all the problems in the marriage were all their fault. All their fault? How in the world can it be all her fault? Like the men just passively sat back and let these women tear apart the man's life? Oh woe is me says the husband, she ruined my life and scarred me forever. What a load of crap.
Maybe they come to me because I've been through a divorce? Because I heard all that crap before and I still sent the ass packing? If you wonder why I never talk about my first husband it's because of that, he's not worth the effort talking about. When he left me I was left with nothing, no money, no home, no car, on the opposite side of the country than the rest of my friends and family. It took me almost 10 years to make my way back home and I had to have Jason come get me. I came back with 2 college degrees and not in underwater basket weaving either.
Spent a year paying Jas back for the cost of moving me but I did it. I did it without the help of that first useless waste of oxygen I divorced. Maybe that's why they come to me. I left him and survived. It could have been worse, others had husbands that were abusive, mine was just a waste of oxygen who was sleeping with his best friend's fiance and forging my signature to open multitudes of credit cards. My recommendation to those who fear bankruptcy, it's totally worth it if it means you can divorce a useless human being. Don't think twice about it, just do it. You can get you credit score back into the 800's in less than 7 years. Can't get your self respect back ever if you don't lose the asshole.
Sorry about the long ass post peeps, I got one of those calls tonight. She'll be the 3rd friend I'll be helping through this time in her life. They get harder each time, I think it's because the older we get the more kids we have to drag through it. No fun, no fun at all.