Thursday, October 2, 2008
Childhood traumas, and all the rest of the stuff in your life
That you can blame on your parents. I can't stand my mother, I think I have mentioned that before, she's got issues. She moved out when I was 8 and my dad raised me, thank God. Dad was great, he's got his own issues (he's like a 5 yr old in a 65 yr old man's body but he's a bachelor, whatcha expect?) but he had to raise a girl on his own and he did a spectacular job. Could you imagine how trying that was in So Cal? Geez. Many props to him and, quite frankly, never had much for mom. Every once in a rare while she'd pop back into my life and I'd give her a chance. And, every single time, she'd fail miserably. She's just one poor ass excuse for a mother. She didn't want to be one but then she remembers once a year, once every three years, that she is one and felt obliged to show up and meddle in some fucked up manner. One year it was to try and shove a religion (I can't remember which one, neither can she) down my throat. That was funny. Something about she didn't want to go to heaven and not have me there with her. All I can remember was thinking that there was no way any God of any sort of religion was letting her freakish ass in any form of twisted heaven. Still my belief to this day.
Lordy I am totally off track today, my NAME, that was the point of this post. Nicknames to be exact. Did anyone out there have one that they just absolutely hated? I only had one. There are a ton that you can come up with for Michelle, none that are bad, or at least none that bother me any at all. I am so bad with names I don't get annoyed with people that get my name wrong, even the ones that call me Melissa, yes that happens, and no I don't care, I'll still respond. Call me what you want, I have a very tough skin and I don't take anything that personal. Oddly enough even with this fractious blog I have not received any flak. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I should create some controversy. Unless it takes effort, or involves politics, then I won't bother.
My issue is with the fact that I have always hated my middle name Elaine. You want to know why? Because my mom named me after an ugly creature. Specifically an ugly ass puppet from Mr. Roger's Neighbohood, Lady Elaine. A puppet that gives most children nightmares. It's true! She's featured on a blog called Traumafessions, your happy childhood ends here. If you Google her name she pops up under so many nightmares for 30 somethings I can't believe it, it's horrible. And here my mom thought it was a great thing to name her only child. What an idiot. Need I say more about what spectacular judgement this woman has? Since I was little she found amusement in calling me Lady Elaine (as an insult, it was her way of showing that she was better than me) and we had many a discussion on how I was not ok with being called that. Of course that didn't stop her. To this day the only reason she doesn't still use that name is because she fears confrontation. And I'm a grown up now. I'm a grown up now that LOVES CONFRONTATION. It makes people uncomfortable and they don't like it.
Have you ever met one of us? There's not many of us out there. You know those skeletons in the closet that most people love to hide? I will whip those suckers out of your closet in the most public settings I can get you in and shake all the cobwebs off those suckers. Yup and then put them up on public display and have you talk about them. It gets you over the fear right quick. Mom hates that. It's like her worst fear. The good news is that t keeps her from pushing my buttons.
It also keeps her from calling me Lady Elaine. Fixed her little red wagon didn't I?
And this is where all of your childhood traumas will get you if you do not choose therapy, take that PBS.